Another big Transition

I have not posted in quite sometime. I totally forgot about blogging for some reason. Not that I am not on the computer everyday.. or don't have the time for something.. it just sort of slipped my mind. Lately I have been all over the place with thoughts. How the kids are doing, what's for dinner, what new craft am I going to do, oh and the biggest one... what will I be packing vs leaving behind vs getting rid of vs what will I need for the new home... etc etc.
Once again 1 year to the date I will be again flying transcontinental with 2 kids, luggage, carryons and stress that goes with it.
When I came here I got rid of everything we owned, shipped over one box of books and school supplies, one box of tools and electronics, one computer and our large tv. With us we had 6 large suitcases and 3 fat carryons. Going back now.. after one year.. not only have we accumlated lots and lots of junk, but now have only 3 bags we get take back with us, plus stuff I want from here, blankets, pots, spices.. and gifts. And in all of this I am trying to get rid of what we brought that will not be used anytime soon. And sorting stained clothes vs clean ones vs too small or not practical for two kids.
I am a big believer now of less is more, and if I am not going to use it soon and someone else can use it now then by golly pass it on. I really hope I maintain this motto because the last two startovers have been a pain of the collassal portions. I want to keep the house, toys and clothes, and shoes simple.

With one week left before liftoff we are almost done. Just all the small stuff to ponder over and make decisions on.

Judging

So today I had this random thought while we were driving down the road. I saw this gentleman walking down the street very well dressed but just out of place to be walking down the street. And for some reason it made me think about how easy we are to judge people. The rest of the drive I was looking around at people and kept saying wow do we ever stop to think about how much we don't really know about people. Complete strangers could smile and you feel like you have known them forever... but we don't know what experiences people have lived, what good or bad they have seen. Right after seeing the man I saw two misfit kids on a bike cussing up a storm at all the drivers and I thought hmm did that man ever do silly stuff like that. We see a person in a suit and we think certain things.. but we don't think about the challenges they went through to get to that point in life. We don't know what good or bad they have done.. we don't even know this of our own family members. We only know what we have seen or "heard" and what has been selected for us to know.
It is easy to pass judgment, it is hard to read past the cover and the initial one paragraph summary. Just like a book, we decide if a book is good or bad based on the title, a skimming and reading of the back cover... but have you ever thought to read a book that seemed bad and find a treasure inside. Or gotten a good review of something from someone only to find out for yourself it was not how they described it at all.
Teaching kids not to judge and to give people a chance is very hard when as part of nature we select who we are going to sit next to based on what we see on the outside... who we will smile at, who we will talk to etc etc.
Yes we talk about judging and not judging in life.. but for some reason I could not shake that have we really sat and thought about how much we really don't know about people and the hidden stories they have to tell.

Turkey Thighs and Rice

Tonight we opted for simple and scrumptious.
2 large turkey thighs or thigh meat. portion of one chunk per person the size of a deck of cards (4oz maybe)
1 cup rice long grain white (I prefer basmati, but brown rice would be good to if you know the water/rice ratios)
2 large carrots sliced on the round
2 large zuchinni sliced on the round
1 yellow onion finely chopped
1 red onion
garlic
chicken bouillon, smen bouillon
handful of cilantro/parsley finely chopped
pdr ginger, black pepper, turmeric for color, and sunflower oil or vegetable oil
3 or 4 cups of water
In pressure cooker put chopped onions, garlic, parsley/cilantro mix, and oil... saute slightley then add the meat and mix well. Add the water and lightley mix together then cook in pressure cooker until meat is fork tender. About 30 mins.. possibly 20 depending on your cooker and how much meat you put. Open the cooker and scoop out one cup of the sauce.. onion and garlic bits are fine and put them in a pot for your rice, then add your rice and one cup of water and cook as normal in seperate pot or rice cooker. To the meat add the carrots and zuchinni, stir slightly and repressurize for 5 minutes... open and stir again.. there should still be sauce in the pot, turn heat to low and cover but not pressure.. let some of the sauce cook off while the vegetables get soft.. cook to your preference. When rice is done you can serve it with the meat and veggie mix on top or family style with rice in a seperate plate and meat and sauce in large platter.
Depending on who is eating.. this dish is good if you put the rice in a large platter and lay the meat on it nicely and the veggies and sauce on top for serving.
This dish was well liked by all.. only one small hunk of meat leftover for morning breakfast!!

White Bean Recipe

One pound of white beans... soaked overnight.
1 large yellow.white. or red onion
2 cubes of garlic bouillon (I would use a whole head of garlic instead, but today do not have on)
1 cube of chicken bouillon
1 handful of chopped parsley/cilantro
2 tbs of tomato paste
2 tbs of dijon mustard
2 tbs of powdered ginger
1 tbs of paprika
1 tps of black pepper
salt to taste
1 yellow color dye pack or turmeric
Put all in a pot and cover an inch above beans with water.. stir well and let cook down, may have to add more water.
Would be good in a slow cooker all day... or used in the pressure cooker.
Serve with rice on the side, could also throw in a hunk of meat for taste.. or sausages on the side.
Very versatile recipe and delicious.

Write what you Like

The other day I was reading this article and it made me realize how important the statement of writing what you like vs writing what you think other want to hear about. So this thought in mind over the next few posts as in the last few you will see more and more recipes. Why you may ask.. well I like food..I am a foodie and I love trying and experimenting with new flavors and smells. A lot of my recipes are really just throw in a pot with love, keeping in mind colors, tastes, smells and healthiness.
I will keep doing random thought posts but I do not have a cookbook I turn to. Yes I love cook books but rarely ever use the recipes. I usually take a them and look at like 5 recipes and then get the idea and make my own from there. If some of my recipes seem like out of a book it will because of past influences and I am not trying to steal or copy I am really just eyeballing it from my head. Now my measurements are not exact, I use spoons and bowls and cups lol. When I get my hands on measuring cups then my recipes typed will be more precise.
My husband has been for years telling me to write down my creations and now is the time.. one meal at a time!!!

Beef and Potato pressure cooker Recipe

This recipe is one of my daughters favorites. If she had her choice she would eat beef and potatoes in any form for every meal. We bought half a kilo of beef chunks.. some with fat and grizzle and some just as is. Now normally for a large family that in itself would maybe serve one person. I actually divided it up into two parts and put one half in the freezer. I cut up the rest into decent hunks and we had just enough to taste but not enough that I would feel bad that we were "over" beefing our meal.
ingredients
1/2 lb to 1 lb cubed stew meat, some bones are great for flavor..
2 medium red onions
1 head of garlic
5 good sized potatoes (more for more people), peeled and cut into 4 long pieces or cut into laying the whole potato on its side and cutting thick hunks. Let sit in bowl of water until ready to add to the mix.
1tbs of paprika
1tbs of black pepper
2 tsps of vegetable oil
turmeric for color
2 tbs of chopped parsley and cilantro
1 cube beef bouillon
1tsp of salt
1 tsp of cumin
1 lt. of water

Dice up the onions and garlic and add to the pressure cooker all of the spices, bouillon, oil and cilantro/parsley. Saute until onions start to turn translucent.. stir so the mix does not burn or stick to the pot. Then add the beef cubes to the spice mix and stir to coat and let cook browning the meat. Add the water and stir picking up all the bits off the bottom of the pan. Seal the cooker and let cook until the meat is fork tender. Usually about 25 mins. Keep an eye on the meat and add more water if there was not enough. When the meat is tender add the potatoes to the sauce and mix into the sauce. Cover but do not put to pressure, turn to medium heat and let cook until the potatoes are finished and the water is a thick sauce. Serve family style with bread rolls to soak up the sauce!

The Joy of Nothingness!

Wooohooo I got to put my feet in the Mediterranean Sea. Yeah just my feet... because wow it was cold. I did swim two times in the hotel pool, but me and beaches with waves slipping out under you... well lets just say I am scared of falling and not being able to get back up onto the shore. The kids played for a bit and were bored.. they wanted to go back to the pool, where they could be free to jump and dive and swim without the inherant fears the big open water brings. To them it was just another beach, but we did get to collect some cool shells. We were blessed enough to go during the off season and enjoyed an endless empty beach. For me this was great, not for walking or exercising.. but to without shame stand and just breath in the ocean air. No fumes of sunscreen around, no eyes looking at the big covered woman wondering why bother going to a beach if you are not going to crisp your skin... trust me I have had many interesting beach experiences due to my lack of conformity with the local beach attire. Yes I fully cover and most times where a long dress on top of my clothes.. even when I go to the beach. Most times I just wear a long sleeve shirt and pants and my hijab, usually one long enough to go to my elbows.
Back to what I was saying. After sending the kids back to the pool I walked down to the beach with my bag ready to relax for the day. Had a good book to read... I am reading the Voyages of Dr. Dolittle. Never read it and thought how perfect for the beach!, have my crochet ready, my notebook and pen, a light snack and water bottle and sheet for sitting in the sand. I was ready.

Once I walked back to the beach I realized that for once I did not want to do anything... absolutely nothing.. no reading, no crafting, no writing amazing thoughts on paper (which lately seems hard to do as it is). I just wanted to stand and breath and sit and stare. And for what seemed like an eternity I did just that.
I stared at the waves and let them suck my stresses away, I awed at the mountain rif that was jutting out into the water and the magnificence of this peaceful spot. I thought how horrible it must be during high season... yeah yeah all the people and excitement and towels and umbrellas.. but really I was just enjoying the simple nothingness that was around me.
I still don't really know how long I was standing there letting the water lick my feet and the foam tickle my toes, but I do know whether it was 10 minutes or an hour I am very very very Thankful to have had the opportunity to do nothing.

Overall our trip was amazing and I will sit soon and write more about this adventure we went on, but for now I am drawing back to that moment and just remembering the peaceful feeling I got when I stared out and heard nothing but the waves. What a great memory.

Spaghetti Sauce and thoughts

I accidentally made some awesome tomato paste lol.. I was boiling some soft tomatoes in saltwater and forgot about them.. when I found them they were slightly toasty and creamy.. and OMG soo good.
So for spaghetti this would taste awesome... I make my homemade one using lots of garlic, diced tomatoes, onions, bell pepper, Italian season, salt, pepper, water and either sugar or orange juice. (And a small can of tomato paste... but if you have homemade thats good to.) NOt a lot just a squeeze is good. It neutralizes the acid and gives it good flavor. To this same mix depending on how veggified I want it I have shredded zuchinni and carrot into the mix and let it all cook down. On the side I brown ground turkey, onion and spices and then mix that into the sauce. You can also make meatballs or take hunks of sausages fried and put that in... add mushrooms if you like etc etc. The options are endless.

This same recipe I have used and added chunks of eggplant and let it cook down and served on top of rice. A good spaghetti recipe is so versatile.. and yes there are as many out there as there are cooks and eaters...

My father made to this date the best sauce ever... I still remember him teaching me the steps and the tastes and the smells. Every time I make a good hearty sauce I think of him and try to feel him guiding me to the right consistency and texture. I know he got his recipe from his mom and she from hers. I have added a few things here and there, changed a few things on occasion.. depending on time and who is eating. I do not eat pork so that was a big adjustment, my dad would always have pepperoni and sausage pieces and ground meat. I like ground turkey and smoked turkey sausage. But as I am trying to squeeze more healthy things into our foods I load up the sauce with veggies.. even on occasion finely chopped broccoli pieces.

One very fond pasta memory.. we were living with my aunt and her family, cousins and all.. and the carnival had come to town. Well my aunt and uncle are and will forever be carnies at heart and they had the workers camping out in the back yard. Now keep in mind this was from the eyes of a 5 year old... so I am sure the details are way different and knowing what adults know.. let's just say I only remember the spaghetti sauce and the different excitement in the air that night.
So on the stove was a restaurant sized silver pot that had in it my dad's or my grandma's sauce... to this day I am not sure who was cooking or if they were fighting over who was chopping and who was stirring.. or my aunt details are foggy.. but it was being cooked.. remember minor details lol. But that was the best plate of spaghetti ever... giant plate with sauce all over...slippery slide goodness.. and a whole army full of people pigging out.

<<<<<<< Dad you are always remembered and never forgotten.. thanks for the great memories>>>>

Contemplations

I really cannot believe how fast time is flying. It feels like just the other day I was posting on here.. and that was already a week ago. It feels like just the other day we started the year and zap that was 4 months ago. And lastly it feels like just the other day I was going through the laundry sorting and packing and stressing over moving again and thus.. that was exactly a year ago.
As eager as I am to get back to Texas where I fondly claim home, I am also saddened at the thought of leaving. I realize more and more as my minutes are ticking buy and as I look back at the roller coaster of a year.. that this is a love vs hate relationship I have created with this country.
I guess this is the same anywhere else. Every new place has ups and downs. Clean areas and dirty, nice people and bad... and overall it really is how you deal with what you are dealt with.
Maybe if I had my own place here and more freedom to make decisions then it wouldn't be so constraining.
Leaving is going to be bittersweet. I will miss my ocean views and my 3min walk to the boardwalk. Cheap organic fruits and vegetables. Tons of ancient crafts that are older that America's birth.. and much much more.
I would like to stay longer, but the longer we stay the more expensive get back home will be. The longer we stay the more stress I get with the unrest in the North of Africa. Everything is changing little by little and I would rather be on home turf during turbulent times.
There are many things that we have learned here, much I have thought about, tossed around in my head and still am debating about. But as with anything in life I find that moments like this are rare and I have to be thankful for the slow pace and peace of just maintaining one day at a time.

Random recipe thoughts from old emails

So do you use a pressure cooker at all? We cooked most of our meat in a pressure cooker saves on times. With goat and sheep I am finding lots of yummy combos.
So far my favorite is one whole onion diced, one bell pepper diced, one large head of garlic all of it sliced up or in chunks, handful of cilantro cut up, one tomato diced, 2 bouillon cubes if you have goat flavor that is good if not then beef works well or one beef one chicken, couple tablespoons of cumin, a tablespoon of paprika, a tablespoon of ginger powder, a pinch or so of pepper, some turmeric or yellow color if you have it.... pinch of salt, some olive oil and veggie oil.... and the meat... mix it all well together and cook for about 10mins browning it and stirring it so it doesn't burn or stick. Then add water to cover the meat and if you are using the pressure cooker shut it and cook until meat is done, if not I guess normal time just keep an eye on it and simmer it down and reduce until the sauce is luscious and yummy hehehehe....
we usually chunk potatoes and zucchini and when the meat is fork done put the veggies on top with a bit more water and close the pressure cooker again or if there is a lot of water leave it unpressurized with the lid just on so the water can evaporate and cook down. Serve like that with bread or with rice... soooo yummy. and really easy. same recipe is great with chicken too. but i add lemons to the recipe with the chicken.

Another recipe would be to put the meat with onion, garlic, cumin, ginger, pepper, salt, bouillon, oil... brown and then add some water to cover and cook down until sauce is reduced and meat is soft. on the side take prunes and boil in water with a bit of sugar. when meat is done and prunes are pretty soft serve the meat and sauce and prunes on top.

I am finding more I add just a random combo of these spices and the garlic, onion bouillon the better the food lol. I even did a dish like this with fennel and sliced it up really thin like onion and cooked it and everyone loved it.

Tuna Rice recipe

I looove cooking. I look at it like this, we all have to eat and if you make it a chore and make it hard then it is not fun and not enjoyable. I am teaching my kids to love cooking and to know the science, the culture, the textures, the goods the bads and all the in betweens that have to do with cooking. How to read a recipe, how to do something from scratch. And above all how to have fun and not be afraid of changing plans and recipes as you go. Life is all about changes and mixing cultures so we have a very diverse and ethnic food background. I am happy to say that my family is not set in on particular food path. We love it all, some more than others but we are willing to give it a try.
So because most meals are served family style over here, the few times that we get to wing the meal and do simple and still pleasing stuff, I take advantage of it. With my husband not here, the portions are smaller that have to be cooked, less guessing as to how much of stuff to make... and when mom in law is not here for a meal then we get to be simple. Today was one of those days. Normally I ask the kids what they would like... or tell them my ideas and bounce off of theirs until I get a feel for what I will cook. I did not want input today though.. or else I would have heard BEEF and Potatoes.. from one and Pasta from the other. Not very inspirational. I know they love a recipe I came up with from having had similiar dishes here and in the states... a throw together meal. Tuna Rice. So here is the one I made today that they loved and ate every last drop in the pot.
1 cup of long grain white rice
1 can of corn
1 can of tuna w/oil
1tbs mayo
1 chicken bouillon cube
paprika, curry(I have just a spice called curry not sure which kind but it is yellow and is amazing), splash of lemon vinegar, pinch of cumin, pinch of salt, pinch of pepper.
about 3 cups of water
Now to cook rice without a rice cooker I always use the 2:1 ratio.. 2 cups water or broth to 1 cup of rice. However I have found that when I add a veggie directly to the rice not after then I have to add more liquid.
So in the pot I put the spices, the bouillon, the can of drained corn and 1 cup of rice. I add a tbsp of veggie oil and saute it all for a bit. Sometimes I add one garlic clove and half an onion, and a bell pepper finely chopped for color and variety.
Once the spices are cooked a bit then I add the liquid. Stir it well and bring to a boil. Once boiling to a rolling boil then I put a lid on the pot and turn to simmer.
When the rice is done fluff it into a large bowl. Then I add the tuna with the oil to the rice and the mayo and mix it well. Sometimes we do 2 cans of tuna depending on who wants it more tunalike. I added a splash of lemon vinegar to this and adjusted salt and pepper to taste. This was served with salad of lettuce, cucumber and tomato with a light dressing on top and large glasses of water.

Over all review, they were not allowed to get more rice until all veggies were gone and water was drank. If still hungry they could get a bit more... if I don't impose the veggie and water before second servings.. they would forget the veggies and eat tons of rice.
This was the first time using the curry for this mix but they loved it. Not only did they eat all of their food, they had a bit more and we had no leftovers. So the portions were just right for 3 good sized plates.

This dish is great served hot, warm, or even let chilled as a side salad. Adjust spices to taste, and if you add the onion, garlic and bell pepper it gives it another demention.

This one is full family tested and approved.. have served to husband, kids, and extended family. Some tend to put more mayo on their rice than others so that is adjustable as well.

The Journey Continues

This past week, we once again said good bye to my husband. I thought that the kids would be completely torn up with this loss. No they are good. They were actually giddy to say goodbye... why you might wonder? Well we have learned that yes time does fly quickly, and by dwelling on the bad it makes the time pass way slower. They are also super excited because by daddy being back in Texas that means that soon they will be there, inshaAllah.. God willing.
I was torn though because once again it leaves me in charge of all issues alone and with mother in law. I will once again have to decide what gets kept and what gets left behind for possible future adventures over this way. Based on my last adventures alone with kids and airports and luggage I have learned a few things.
1. Keep it simple.
2. Minimize minimize minimize.
3. Needs vs wants and how much laundry do you really need? Does less laundry mean more washing or less stress?

Yeah there are more lessons than this but for now my goal is not to get the most luggage and as many things as I can get away with squeezing over the international waters... but the least I can get away with. Yes I want to find gifts for everyone, but as I make a list of who to get things for I am at a loss, the list keeps growing and my out of pocket expenses are very very limited. So this is a challenge, what for whom and at what cost... money vs weight in the limited luggage. I am also trying to take only 3 suitcases.. not 6. Of this includes my laptop, our ps3, my new dresses I am having made, a few outfits to start with because as the seasons are changing and what we have accumulated is not for summer. I hope to buy a big couscous steamer pot and a pressure cooker. If I have to divide up the weight then it will be for important things. Of course, spices and teas and coffees are high on the list. And at this point that is about it.
For the last few weeks we are trying to soak in as much of the country that we can for awesome memories. I would love to sit here and write and write about my experience. People say write in the moment... but for me we have been here long enough and I feel that I am part of the scenery and not an outsider. So this being the case I have a hard time writing about the ups and downs of the culture why I am in the minute. InshaAllah, I hope to sit back with a cup of coffee and really contemplate the good and the bad and write about it as I notice difference in the US. Writing about the things I miss and would love to have again things that sparked my interest... etc etc.
SO if things work out this blog will turn more into a reflective space as we get back into the routine of life in the US.

Bringing things up to date...

Over the course of the last two weeks time has just sort of melded into one thought and has pushed forward. I am currently sitting here in a daze of sad and happiness. Sort of like eating your favorite desert and dwelling on the very last bite.... no, this this has nothing to do with food but more with life. I am thankful for everything I have been blessed with and after seeing the devastation that has been wreaked on Japan what can I really complain about.

As promised here is a bit of an update. My husband went out of town for a few days, which turned into ten without to much of a hiccup. The kids were a bit depressed while he was gone, but we did our best to be out of the house everyday and to unturn new corners of every street. We took tons of pictures and had a blast buying cheap snacks and just soaking in life.
Daddy came home and immediately we spent as much time as we could with him. Going out, sleeping in.. not stressing on too much but being thankful for our togetherness as a family.
His out of town adventure really solidified in our minds that we need to be back in the US in order to give a life that will be better than what we had. To give them opportunities to help others and to have a strong worldly upbringing. We are very strong advocates for education and to see people not have access to simple things like books and paper really makes me appreciate what I can access in America for free or a small minute fee.
We tossed around the ups and downs, pros and cons of this decision. Lots of prayers and one big jump in the pool decision. We called and were blessed to be able to use my husbands expired ticket toward a new one and only had to pay a small fee. This means here shortly he will be back in Texas.
Our plan as of now is to have him go and get settled, find a job, get an apartment and some basic furniture and then God willing we will be behind him. This could take a bit, but I am willing to put in the time in order to have a fresh start.
I am very very grateful for the health that we have, for all the things that have been good and bad about my stay here, and for all the little lessons in life we have learned. I am not leaving with a bad heart, and I love Morocco and many aspects to it, however it is not really a productive and inducive place to raise children.
How can I teach them religion when most people walking around in the streets are more concerned with their looks than with what they need to be doing to save their souls? I am trying not to judge and I feel that the only way I can give a better example will be to raise my children with other families that have a strong want to learn. I have not seen many examples of people trying to learn more about their core values and how to improve them and implement them in their daily lives. This has been very discouraging. God willing one day when my kids are older and have a stronger sense of themselves, then I will give this adventure another chance.
Another big update from the last few days... allergy season is once again upon us. Hubby has the sniffles, stuffy nose, headache, itchy eyes. Daughter 1 has severe pink eye in both eyes... and daughter 2 is upon the sniffles and sneezies. I for now am fine.. but have the oh no allergies are here head spinning want quiet hope everyone feels better soon symptoms.

Self taught Learning

Today I woke up with the concept in my head of just chillin, not going anywhere, but also not stressing about anything. Life is going to happen as it dictates itself. All will be fed in due time, all cleaning will be done in its own course of events. I know what a wierd concept a stress free day.. is it even possible. Well to start I informed my soldiers hahahaha what my master plan of the day was. I was going to chill and be chilled!!!! They were still going to accomplish some learning but where it was going from there was in their hands. So the three assignments of the day were to be Quran memorization, reading, and coloring... Yeah I know how hard is life hahahah.
When they first heard that they had to do some school stuff they were bummed, but they liked the topics. So we lazily ate our brunch.. which is what it was some breakfast items and some lunch ones too... we had a super late start to the day I let them sleep till past noon and it gave me time to just breath and go at my own speed today. Mom was gone to school so I literally had the house to myself for whatever I wanted. Laundry got done, kitchen cleaned and one decent major meal planned...
They finished their food and were instructed to get started on whatever wherever...just like that. One dutifully went and logged on the computer and started her memorization. The other one.. which normally gets this memorization part done first disappeared. When I finally found her she was in her room slowly cleaning and organizing. Wow a miracle.. get them to do their chores by avoiding school stuff hahahahah. Eventually she got around to doing her memorization. Now for reading the oldest well took a cue from the youngest. The youngest was picking her own form of reading today. So cute... she picked up our little travel atlas and started sounding out countries, and oceans and rivers OH MY... she needed a few pointers but for the most part was super excited because that solidified in her own head that she can read. So that was acceptable for a lesson. The oldest picked a picture on the book and asked where that was.. so I taught her how to search using all the tools available in the book. The key, the maps, the table of contents. She found what she was pointing to was Madagascar... from their led our discussion of the cartoon movie, which got her to wanting to know about the animals from there.
This led her back to the computer and she googled all on her own.. the animals of Madagascar.
2 funny bits to this story. She could not spell animal and I told her to figure it out... and my youngest was wandering around the house whispering letters to herself.. then she went to her sister and said... A..N..I.. M...A...L...S... animals. and with a jaw dropping to the floor expression my oldest asked me how her little sister knew that but she didn't. I explained she is using her reading skills to solve a problem.
Second awesome bit of this adventure was that they really worked together on using a search engine for something good, they found animals and read about all the animals on Madagascar.. then went back and looked for National Geographic and watched clips about animals.
And thus the afternoon eased into evening with no stress and tons of learning accomplished. All from their own inspirations.
Coloring never did happen, but a fashion show of the latest spring fashions using a combination of last summers clothes and this winters clothes was put together during their "play" time. Scarfs, boots, shorts, mittens... random articles of clothing and tons of giggles and smiles.
In the mean time I got some reading done, some artsy stuff, and enjoyed a magnificent sunset with camera in hand. I roamed the house and photographed odd shapes and designs for a future project of shapes around us that we will get to on another rainy or bored unthemed day.
Yes everyone got fed rather decent meals, yes all cleaning got done, the house remained in one piece and all souls were at peace with another. If only more days could be just like this one....
Some days you just have to let the inspiration guide you and put aside all structure in order to truly appreciate your surroundings!

I opened my eyes and found that all of a sudden it was March. Where did the time go??? I have not posted in a chunk of time due to mental spaciness or lack of inspiration or well just unwillingness to give in and let the thoughts hit the screen. Who knows.. but this post will be a brief update of our outings and such.
Over the past few months I have had moments where my soul is locked up and the routine of life has taken over. Call it depression, call it laziness, call it fear... or accumulation of the three, either way I found it difficult to get out and do things that were not part of the routine. Groceries are taken care of by hubby due to my lack of driving skills here. Evening walks for the kids were also occasionally done by hubby, and I forced myself to at least once a week get the kids out and do something, if not more than just go sit by the water.
It seem that once all the chores were done and all the hot meals done and the kids looked after in terms of school stuff.. then it would be dark and I would be exhausted mentally and would not want to wander out. Late mornings bring later days and the cycle continues.
My first venture out of my mental block was grasping a Friday afternoon to leave the kids home alone and go out and have a coffee and read some Quran. What an exhilarating feeling that was. Minor in concept, major in accomplishment. This led to more little outings, walk just a block further, turn just another corner etc etc.
So the past week this is what I have done. Get up and get the chores done, the major meal cooked and either fed or ready to be fed to those who were ready to be fed. One major assignment or school subject conquered. And a few bits of change, the house key, and my camera and walking shoes on and we hit the streets. Where do we go... well one day it was to the beach, which led to a really long walk down the board walk to a far side of town... and one thing we have learned when venturing out with kids.. is pay attention to how far you are going because the trek back will be further. AHHAHAHA. (slower means further these days). Another day we went down a new road and discovered that places such as our favorite juice stand, or Mosque, or mini grocery store that usually seem so far with a car.. are actually just down the road. We cut through allies, smelled flowers, took pictures, paused to take in the awesomeness of new areas revealed to our eyes. Another day we hit the beach again but instead of going the road we went before, this time we played soccer in the grass, and then took off our socks and shoes and wandered through the sand. Then worked our way home but down a different path. More pictures, more smells, and lots of new colors were found.
Now we may not get out and about everyday, although it is very easy to do so... but I am going to make a better effort of turning over new stones and paths. We will have a day here and there to play mental catchup, to recuperate and gather new ideas. But I refuse to let the fearsome depressive laziness take over my whole world. I do not want to be sucked into the dark void of everyday routine that commonly makes life so miserable. I normally am a very positive person.. so the dark side is not one I like to sit in for very long.
There are just so many parts of this city that are still to be discovered. What have you not seen where you live? How long has it been since you last wandered your backyard???

Inspired Art

One of my favorite things to do with the kids is to encourage them to free paint, color, draw.. whatever. We are slowly getting them into the concepts of realism like with a shoe or fruit. We have watched a few youtube videos for inspiration and have gone from there. As much as I would love to get them in a real art class, this is as close to it as I can get for the moment. I was so lucky to be handed a small folder of blank drawing paper the other day.. medium poster size, thick quality and immediately I thought water colors and markers. I was not the only one to have these thoughts.. and sure enough the stash is now empty. The artist in me wept a tear not even having had the chance to use the paper myself. The mother and teacher in me lept for joy because not only did I get the chance to sleep in one morning and awake to quiet painters, I have some new lovely art for my wall.
A few days ago the movie "Surf's Up" was on... you know the cute surfing penguin movie... well this movie apparently hit a high note in the inspiration department. For 3 days that is all they talked about and drew and painted. Rarely do I find something that both of the girls really get into like this. I was able to actually distinguish in their paintings the penguins and families and surfers... and if you have seen the movie then when you heard the stories they told with the pictures you could clearly identify which scenes they were recreating.
The reason I am so excited about this, is mainly that we have graduated from the blobs on paper that only a dear mother can truly distinguish, to the point where flowers are coming to life, shapes actually represent their shapes and colors have a whole new meaning.
My oldest for some time has been able to draw fairly clearly, but she has not always been struck with the idea department. My youngest is the story teller and the idea creator and the leader in the fairy-princess-dragonslayer-flying robotic- dream creations... Yeah whatever they are into at that point in time becomes their world and no one can tell them otherwise. One comes up with the plot and the other helps carry it through.
Now they are both merging into fun stress free artist and are having a blast doing so. I cannot wait until they get to the point where they actually want to write down the stories they are creating. Art is coming alive... I am so thankful so for the opportunity to experience new mediums with them every day.

Awareness

Over the past week I have struggled with some issues that have really been brought to light in recent international news. How aware of our world are we? I remember clear as day when Desert Storm started... when the Berlin wall came down, when Princess Diana was killed... yes I know these are a weird string of thoughts and not really connected. The link is international news... When I was in maybe 4th grade, it was very important that we learned about world issues and that connected to geography and having a basic knowledge of what was going on in the NEWS. As the years went by, my concern with international events changed depending on where I was in my life. A preteen not really concerned with the outer world.. just getting out of my house. As a teen wanting to go far and how to get far... physically away from my home life. As an adult living in the moment and being somewhat aware of events. As a pregnant mother not mentally stable enough to pay attention to more that my own daily life. And now living internationally and seeing hands on news events that I otherwise would not have been made aware of.
I skidded through government classes sort of understanding what things meant. Now I am seeing why governments are they way they are... why laws are set up the way they are... and I am seeing how much the government can really hide from people. Being in an age of a virtual society can be both a blessing and a curse. In the case of the current events that I am seeing unfold it has helped those who were cut off from the outside world to get help. But I can also see how some news may put undue fear in those who need not panic.
Case in point... with all the revolts and protests going on around the Middle East and North Africa.. it was only a matter of time before it came here. With that a planned protest around the country was sparked through the internet and fueled with jobless, homeless and bored youth. Seeing how other countries reacted to their governments and to mass amounts of people in one spot.. and seeing how fast simple peaceful intentions turned violent, the only thing I could do was to mentally prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
Now some of my family and friends are connected to the global virtual world and others are not. This is also the case of current events. Knowing that something was planned gave us the heads up we needed to just give a warning out. Now I cannot say I am sorry that I called my family and let them know what was going to happen.. but I can say I understand how it could have been seen as over reacting. Knowing how my mom panics when she hears anything remotely near where I live happening.. I could only assume that if she just heard the name of our country and unrest at the same time she would have freaked out. So calling her was the only thing I could do... and she may never had known anything was going on if I had not called.
This not only put extra stress on my family, it put mental stress on myself. They continued to call nonstop and seek information. Seek news that in no way was part of their daily life and may have only caused extra stress.
Thank God the protest here were mild, peaceful, and basically over as fast as they started. But I can only imagine what could have happened.. how bad it could have been, and at what point we would have had to decide to stay or leave.

I am saddened more and more each day with the unrest that is going on because it leads to thoughts of the future. The what ifs are swirling... and in my previous state of mind, I may have been just fine not worrying about the what ifs....

All this is to say.. how aware of issues in you city are you, your state, your country, your world??? We all have a voice and we all have at least some way to make a difference in our lives and in those of others. We need to take our talents and our strengths and make a difference somewhere. Now we may not end world hunger or bring peace to all the nations.. but we can at least have the intention of doing so and have more concern for the lives of others than our own daily stresses.

Change of Methods again...

Over the last week or so we have been adjusting our study schedules and learning methods. My youngest really was losing focus on the computer and kept asking for a change. So secretly I went ahead and cancelled that bit of schooling for the moment. Past experience has shown me that when one method is not working don't force it to tears. My oldest has cycled through methods over the years and at some point each year we do computer work and at another point we do paper. Now that does not mean when one method is being used the other is not.. it just means for example: sometimes the main curriculum will be Time4learning and they love it while on the side we do writing projects, reading projects, science and so on. Other times the kids decide they would rather work with a workbook for the main curriculum and I get those giant all in one curriculum books from SAMS or Walmart and use the computer for substitution. Math games online, reading games online.. etc etc.
Where are we now with learning.... Well the oldest zoomed through all of the second grade work online but when she started 3rd she lost interest. So we pulled out the math workbook, curriculum workbook all for 2nd grade and even though parts of it are boring, it is really good exercise to really solidify what she learned online. Sometimes she whips through her packets and other times it takes a few days. But with all that she understands that this is so when she is ready for 3rd grade material it will not be so hard for her to advance.
My youngest did the same thing back in prek1 and 2.. she wizzed through the computer stuff and then for like 4 mths did not want to look at a single thing online. Now she has whizzed through all of the kindergarten material, and almost through all of the first grade and is fading out. So she is switching to cursive workbooks, more focus on reading, 1st grade math workbook and online games to increase and improve basic math skills of adding and subtracting. After the summer I hope to get them both back onto the computer curriculum and will start 1st and 3rd again.
No tears, no fuss and everyone is excelling. Thank God!!!

Change of view

Both of my children have different learning styles and different needs. Sometimes they are super independent and eager to learn and other times they need to be held by the hand each step of the way. Today was no exception. As Monday normally rolls around and routines get back into some kind of rhythm... my youngest declared she was not getting out of bed today. When I asked why, her only response was "because I am not doing school. " So that was the first battle of the day... eventually she got out of bed and asked what was on the plan.
I have a mental picture of where I want them to be with their work by the end of the day... and I usually guide them toward my goal. This was not one of those days. Neither of the kids were in a mood to "study" under the terms I suggested, and both wanted to do what the other was doing. Thus we changed the flow of learning, we had a switch up day. The paperwork kid decided today was computer learning, and the computer learning wanted paperwork. With all the kinks in the how to get to the goal out of the system we spent a majority of the day on Math.. math of all sorts.
Multiplication and large place value concepts for one child, and addition and subtraction concepts for the other. I will be very thankful when the basics are out of the way, I no longer like having to sit and go through all of this every 2 years. (The personal excitement of teaching is dwindling.. like the air out of an old balloon. Yes I still will always love learning, but this is why I steered clear from the large classroom setting.)
I want to be at the point in learning where they are ready to just get the topic and go from there... to rely on me only for key points.. not for all the steps.
So as rolls usually dictate, by the end of the afternoon. They had gone back to what works for them. The paperwork child went back to paperwork, and the computer learner went back to computer. Both in the end got the basics and had two methods by which to learn them.
When the kids are at the point in their "homework" as they term anything school related that is not fun... and are about to give up... I try to give them breaks and get them to look at the problem with a new light. Literally change rooms, open windows... change the atmosphere in order to change the approach.
Life is like that... sometimes you have to step out on the patio in order to enjoy the freshness of the clean living room.

The Start of something new

Sleep lost and thoughts unwound... this is today's theme.
Having got deep into a subject of research and completely sidetracked with thoughts as the internet tends to grip my mind and wheel me around in circles... I once again lost track of the time last night and before I knew what was going on it was 4 in the morning. Was I tired... no far from it. Was I ready to stop... nope not even close. Did I stop.. yes, because at some point in the night my clicks and bookmarks overwhelmed me. My windows were overflowing with connections that became circular thoughts and I had to stop. I had to step back and look at the big picture. What did I search for, what was the purpose of my original thought.
I stepped back and logged off. Laid in bed and having not been ready to sleep, I got engrossed in the next chapter in my book. Eventually the sun rose, I prayed, then went to bed. At some point during this time my thoughts turned off and I did not dream anything memorable. I did however awaken to noises in the house, to light in my eyes.. and a million thoughts in my head. I was given permission by my kids, my spouse, and my mother in law.. to get some rest and just sleep. This in of itself was what many a mom and wife would call a miraculous gift. I however was unable to benefit from this gift. I felt like I was in a weird dream, I tossed and turned and could not stop thinking. Thinking of all the things I wanted to write about.. not the things I had been researching but of topics that just needed to be told. Lists of ideas, smells, tastes, colors, histories.... it is just endless.
I eventually got up, showered and dress and roamed into the kitchen. I ate some soup staring at the vast ocean view.. and dazed again my thoughts spun around and around and around. Here it is another night passing away and I realize.. that foods were cooked, meals eaten, kitchen cleaned and re cleaned..yet I feel like I did nothing all day but think think and think some more. I know at some point in the day I conversed with my kids and spouse and mother in law... chatted with friends, had deep meaningful connections... but was I fully there today?
This makes me wonder how many days in our life are we not connected. Thinking of the next thing to make us happy, to bring us closure, to fulfill a need. Do we ever stop thinking? Is this what real writers do... wander through time until they just let the juices out????
I am finding that with wanting share my inner thoughts, I am also being dragged in an addicting sort of way into a new world. Just like the excitement before meeting a blind date, or taking a test, stepping foot onto new land in life and in thought... the butterflies are turning, the skin clammy and I have the jitters that just will not stop. Over the next few days I hope to sit and spew some of my past, some of my thoughts.. and parts of the story that make me who I am today. It may not be in a working order and may come out like a list of things that will need further explanation.... but because I refuse to turn back to paper and pencil lists I will just type it all out and see where the end result brings us.
Welcome to my journey.!

Digging inside

I now know why it has taken me so long to get back into writing. It really takes a toll on your mind, blogging or thinking of blogs that is. All the time I am thinking of weird things to write about, and how to formulate my concepts so that it won't seem so jumbled to my readers. I fold laundry and think about old teachers, I stir soup and think about good meals from friends, I look at my kids and think of all the lessons in life that we go through that are sooo worth mentioning. Then when the time comes and I sit to actually write, nothing comes to mind or so many thoughts flood me at once that it becomes so much easier to walk away. And thus a full week into February and as much as I would have like to sit and just spit something out, it has even been a task to put an update on facebook. A simple one line sentence that really may or may not mean much to someone else. And in the time so many thoughts have come to my head...
So as time has gone on this has been my routine... because it has been so cold at nights here, I cannot stand being in my room much so therefore I found a new hole to hide out in... The office, well not my office.. my husbands computer area that has a couch and blanket and a new spot for my book. I guess I could relocate my laptop and charger in there.. but then that would be my computer and his computer in the same space.. and that has always bugged me. My time on the pc, is just that.. my time. So I have found myself holing up with a cup of coffee and a good book. It has been so long since I have done this that it seemed foreign to me.
What take time to sit and read??? Take time to not talk or think or type or search? Is this possible. Well it did take a whole hour for me to settle in, and then when I did that... the emotions flowed, I became one with my book and the rest of the world was set to the side. I remember all the times I have been stressed in life, and this has been my form of coping. The time has come to share this bliss with my kids. After a day or two, they caught on that mom wanted quiet time to read and do nothing else.. and they also brought a book or crayons and snuggled up on the couch. We all just did our own thing, no words needed.. just a time to breath and let the mind be at peace.
This is my special place. Reading soothes my soul!!!

Rain brings brainstorm

The weather as of late has been grey, yucky, cold and rainy. I don't mind a good rain but the kids are getting bored. But boredom leads to creativity. It is sooo easy to get sidetracked and just let them veg in front of the tv this is something that as a mom I have to actively put a stop to and deal with the moans and groans. So when no electronic time is declared everyone grips. No TV, No playstation and no computer.. but MOOOOOM we are going to be bored. This is what happened last night.. and they stomped around the house moping for about twenty minutes. Then they got the old crayons out and colored all night long. Today when this time came again much earlier in the day they did not complain. They decided to find a craft.
So today they wanted to make homemade paper like a show they saw on tv a while back. Now I don't have a blender to spare since this is not my home.. but I do have a sand sifter from the beach stashed in the summer box.. which will be great. So they decided to use old toilet paper rolls to make this happen. Woohoo for creativity.
yes I have lots of rainy day activities in the back of my head, but for them to come up with it on their own made it even more precious. So exciting to see how this turns out. They do not want my help and they are doing it together.
The ideas are endless today... they even have a plan for when project A is done.. they will move on to coloring coffee filters with markers and leaving them in the rain. Too much fun for a rainy day lol.

Taking Breaks

Along our homeschooling journey one of the most important things I have learned is the importance of taking breaks when needed. Our style of learning is not fully unschooled-or curriculum based or school at home. If I had to label our teaching it would be an eclectic-online school system. We tend to use both online learning, supplemental learning, and child-interest guided learning.
I have done the plan it all out approach, write down everything we do as we go approach and the general document it by topic approach. In all the years I have been interested in homeschooling (9), from day one of pregnancy... I have tried many methods, searched and read and searched some more and have found a nice mix that works for us. Not one school of thought has been enough, not one method works either. As many say there are as many methods of learning and are all unique as there are children and their ways of learning. Each child is different and as I have learned .. just like us adults we change over time, they also change over time. They mature, develop stronger opinions and wants and also fine tune and toss out different learning styles. One year we are full on computer based, the next may be book learning, the next a variety of the two.
This brings me back to the topic, along this line I have found that when my kids tend to get overwhelmed with a topic no matter how easy it may seem.. it has been vital to give them breaks. To be willing to go back, review and relearn until they are comfortable with the subject. I have also seen them be so bored out of their mind that they fight the learning and when that happens I have to step back and reanalyze the scenario. Is it the topic, the lesson, lack of sleep, lack of food... what is causing them to be defiant at that time. When all the physical needs are met and a break is needed then we take it. I let them not fully guide their learning, but when they are ready to get back to the studies and they had their break, whether it be for the rest of the day or a couple days off... then they seem to be recharged and ready to take it on with full force. It is amazing how effective this has been. They not only swiftly accomplish the task that had seemed so hard before.. they do more than are asked and often intertwine lessons to work together around topics.
At this stage in the game there have been days where I feel like the task master and feel like I am shoving school down their throat... and other days where they ask to do school stuff and make it so easy that I look forward to more and more learning alongside of them. My kids have taught me so much about learning and living life through this adventure that I cannot wait until the teen years when they get deeper into subjects that will effect them later in life. I truly believe that if you instill the want and need of learning and joy of learning in them, then later when it comes to the harder subjects they will be eager to keep going.
We have taken breaks off of the computer and switched to game learning, and then gone back and forth between worksheet learning. Just because they don't like it now, does not mean they will never like it or enjoy this method. So some advice I like to share with new mothers even those who are not homeschooling is to never give up and don't be afraid to go back and try something again. Just as our taste buds change with time, so do our perspectives of learning.

Poetry time

One of the aspects in life that I have been waiting for my kids to get old enough to do has been poetry. In my early school years it held a deep place in my heart. Poetry, free writing, etc etc. So naturally I could not wait for the kids to be old enough to appreciate it themselves. With this said over the last decade I went back and analyzed my own time and realized that poetry helped me to get through the horrid teen years. Come the married years, I was just too busy to sit and write anything at all. Yes, I tried the journal thing and that never panned out... and this leads to today. Now I am slowly getting back into blogging and it brings back all those emotions I would experience when creating my own poetry. Writing means a lot to me and therefore I would hope would one day mean a lot to my children.
Today one of the worksheets my daughter had was about Haiku. Now she read and reread the assignment and then came to me begging to skip that section. I was just heartbroken. I had to really catch my breath.. I could not believe my kid would not want to do a poem. Then I read her assignment and it occurred to me.. it's not the poetry that was bothering her..hahahah it was the writing. She had to write her poem down. She absolutely hates writing it has taken her a long time to be comfortable with writing anything at all... let alone something from her own head.

So we did an oral practice and got her laughing instead of crying. Made her realize that it was not as hard as it seemed... and the whole point of the assignment in the end had nothing to do with poetry... it was all about if she understood how to use syllables. When we stepped back and talked about why she was doing the haiku and what the other pages were like, then she agreed it was actually an easy page. Plus she would get to draw her picture afterward, so that was good encouragement. And left on her own to finish with a topic about weather... here is her first poem..

Clouds are gray and white.
They are going to bring rain.
The Earth is happy.

This was inspired by our storm today... her prediction from the clouds.. and she was right it would rain, and it did. After all the stress she smiled and read her poem with pride. A writer is born! Yeah there is still hope after all. I just keep telling myself be patient... everything in its own time!

Mommyhood and Travel

Generally I love traveling. Now after having moved so many times in life and doing big distances of travel as well as small distances... I think I am slowing changing my mind. Hmm Are we even allowed to change that feeling? Oh by golly I think I can. But wait does that mean my heart is changing.. NO WAY. I still love learning about new cultures, trying new foods, learning new languages, and showing my kids the world. This is just a temporary feeling. All comes down to the stress on my head and heart at this moment in time.. just this one particular incident..
This is not such much of a burden as much as it is such a headache to anticipate and mentally plan and then have plans changed and unchanged etc etc. Dads in my opinion sometimes have it too easy, they say we are going and boom the mom has to be ready and get it all packed and out the door by the time dad has the car heated up.
Yes a few days of forewarning is gracious.. but what happens when you are just sort of told about it.. Nothing set in stone.. But told (in that you need to start packing right now tone because when dad says its time.. that means that night or the next morning...) basically oh um next week we are going to this city for 10 days. Heart beats become erratic and the following thoughts occur... and not always in this order but this is what happened to me this past week...
1.. woohoo travel, 2.. woohoo change of scenery.. the apartment is getting boring... 3.. wait rewind what.. ten days with 3 adults and 2 kids... 4.. what will we be doing 5.. what clothes for the possible activities.. are we swimming, outdoor shopping, fancy dinner, roadside dinner, visiting relatives...... 6.. OMG how do I prepare just enough for each person so all activities can be covered... nice clothes with shoes to match, walking clothes with shoes etc etc etc (insert hubs comment "Honey, lets get it all into 1 suitcase this time...) (IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?????) 7... the panic attack in the head starts the throbbing is coming.... do I take my own dishes, should I empty the cupboards to save money on eating out..you know.. like last of the pasta, rice, coffee, the dry goods that are only needed for a few meals.. 8.. what do I pack to entertain the kids with during the down time.. yes with this amount of time there will inevitably always be down time.. and no TV to zone out with and no movies to carry with hmmm this is a category on its own 9. back around to the clothes.. accidents occur so have to have back ups, no laundry facilities to just run to OH NO wait bad news, all the laundry is dirty and with just a few days left and the weather is cold.. will they all dry outside on the line in time to pack YIKES thud thud thud.. blood is now rushing to the head
10.... from the spouse "Honey, I don't really wanna go.. let's get mom to go on her own." "Mom wants to go for 10 days.. let's just do 3 maybe 4".... note from Mominlaw "Pack for 10days, he will change his mind when he gets there..." Hubby "I heard that, and no I won't!!!!"

Is it ok to fall to the floor right this minute... let's just say I was superbly mentally exhausted by the time Sunday rolled around to where all I wanted to do was crawl in a ball and sleep... but life still goes on and we still have to stay on top of the house, the food, the teaching and all that is involved in the normal this is not vacation day to day of life...

So this story continues yes he did not want to go, this trip was brought on by Mom having her vacation and wanting to get out of dodge...and we all agreed it was time for her to take a vacation (in a good daughter in law sort of you need a break from US feeling) for one person that's fine.. but for the whole family on a tight budget as it is.. it no longer becomes a vacation for me and more of an upheaval of routine. This whole adventure has already been an upheaval of monumental proportions.. the whole move to another country adventure..
I hate routine, but after this long drawn out process of will it happen or will it not (because the idea of yes, no ,yes ,no, today- tomorrow departure went on for 3 days..) I was very relieved when the God saw my dispair and relieved my pains. Watched the weather and boom RAINY DREARY freezing temps in the to be traveled to city... who wants to travel in such muck weather occurred. Yes mom agree that was not good weather to take the kids in, too much stress at this point in the season, this sort of travel is better for summer or spring.
Woohoo victory for my brain.
Summary... eventually we talked Mom-in law into going on her own via train to visit family and whatever she wants to do. And oddly enough the morning she departed I was able to catch my breath again, and just relax. I get a mini vacation within my own home.. yes weird thought.. but with her gone we can eat WHEN we want and WHAT we want. (the kids want all American favorites, burgers, fried chicken, pizza.. the works hahaha) The kids have free range of the whole house on the condition they clean up after themselves with each adventure.
And Yes I am mentally on vacation while she is away.
Side note.. this does not mean I am not up for travel, or for adventures, just not this week.. not feeling it sort of feeling. (And the weather here is amazing, blue skies, blue water... get out and explore in our neck of the woods weather) I am thankful for these moments because they really let me appreciate the simplicity of day to day life.. just when I was getting bored with the routine of things.

Getting to know you....

Lately I have not blogged because we have been so caught up in just staying on top of the routine of life that by the time I sit at the computer and look up a few new crochet techniques or practice a stitch here and there... I am so doggone tired that blogging is far from my reaches. One kid gets sick and then better then another sick and slowly getting better. With sickies comes mommy up every hour checking on them, cleaning up the messes, making the soups, and teas and repeat one hundred times to put your socks back on to stay warm... with all that I have just been worn out.
Oddly enough though both the sicknesses were not related. Both though did come from eating bad stuff. The first girl got sick from possibly not washing strawberries too well or eating just way to many of them. One of her favorite fruits that just happen to come into season and with that comes the downfall of over indulgence. Daddy brings in 2 lbs and by the time mommy finds out they are in the house all that is left is the red snail trails around the kitchen.. yep that is the only way to describe it. Evidence that at least they washed them before gulfing them down. Pink water drops on the sink, counter, table and floor.. along with a leaf or butt here and there. Every season this happens. I have learned to stash my stashes for cooking straight to the freezer before they even know they have come in the door.
So with the over indulgence that includes tons of giggles from all guilty parties.. including the ringmaster himself... one always gets sick from too much of a good thing.
Second sick girl got sick from possibly eating yucky sausage... this is not the first time she has gotten sick after sausage so I am thinking "hey" maybe she cannot digest them. Everyone else seems just fine from the same batch. To be on the safe side she will just not get that kind of sausage anymore.

All this rambling comes back around to the title of this post... Getting to know you.. getting to know all about you... this song has been stuck in my head today. The past few months I have been in a 'stuck' in the house kind of slump. Not many things to do with the kids within walking distance and the garden park just gets tooo parky after awhile. Decided to get out and about and explore a different path.
We now have been here long enough to fully orient ourselves with our 5 mile radius of safety. Meaning I feel comfortable enough that if I were to walk 5 miles absentmindedly.. I could safely find my way back home without asking for directions. (Yeah for learning how to orient myself on a map!!!) My daughters on the other hand had never experienced the way mommy learns to get around that seems so scary and wierd. I like to get out and check around all the corners, be able to identify points of interest.. bank, coffee shop, bread store, candy store... gas station.. that way when getting turned around while shopping as us woman so often do. If I look up eventually something is familiar and I can get back home. Is it obvious I have moved enough times and explored enough places that it is routine on how to find comfort in the unknown.

Took the kids out exploring and finally they are at ease with this safety block and know if we were ever to get seperated how to find their way back to the park and then the house!!! For me this means that 1. I have been here to long.. the town is growing on my comforts and the surroundings are familiar..2. I am feeling safe and the surroundings are no longer scary. 3. The same bums are familiar and the trash piles that never go away are recognizable as landmarks hahaha.
We have found our way from the snack shop, to the cheap burgers and fries, to the healthy fruit shakes, to the cheap shopping, back around to the fresh hot bread, coffee shop and HOME. What more can you need in a random walk out and about. Now I feel comfortable throwing on the clothes and shoes and yanking the kids out for a random treat. As the kids like to say.. "Mom the reading can wait.. the snickers is calling.." hahahahah.
I am very thankful for these opportunities to learn new things about my surroundings and myself that come with every adventure.

Changes in Life

Sitting here thinking about what to write and so many topics come to mind and my mind is turning over and over. What has stood out the most lately? There is a recurring theme that I have seen with a few of my online friends and that is a major change in life. Change can be super super scary because there is that mystery of the unknown. Part of that mystery though is very exciting and intriguing. What will be next in life.. where will this lead... am I doing the right thing?? So many questions come with change.
I sit here and ponder what some of the biggest changes are that have the biggest impact and I want to send a virtual hug out to all my friends that are making changes in their life. I am in no way an expert in this but after all the moves I have been through in my life I realize that I am getting close to becoming really good at new beginnings. Growing up we moved around a lot... by a lot I mean between kindergarten and graduation I went to 12 schools, 3 states and 2 countries.. and that is not all the times we moved, just the schools. That also does not count all the times my parents moved before I even started kindergarten. Of the 5 of us kids, none of us were even born in the same state (well except for the twins.. but that was a special exception lol.) This makes one think "she must be an army brat" ... but no there is the other option, my parents were hippies on the move. Change was in their blood. Never stay put, never get attached, and just spread the love around.
So when I found myself living in the same city for the last ten years I thought, wow I am so proud of myself for being able to settle down. I only lived in 3 places during that time and grew roots into the ground... both my girls were born in the same hospital.
So this topic is about the change of moving, of starting over, a new beginning. Nothing in life is permanent. When I look back at the last decade I realize that just because I was in the same city that whole time did not mean things stayed the same. I changed jobs, had kids, changed friends, found new hangouts, painted and repainted, got new furniture etc etc... every year brought something new and different to our lives. I am very thankful for the chance to have changes in life. It brings a fresh look and new perspective to the old and mundane. If things stay the same for too long they get dusty and grow mold and that is just what happens to our spirits.

Why is moving such a scary aspect of life? The biggest emotional part of moving is having to find new friends and associates. Will I be accepted, will I be liked, will I find my way around.... so many different things come to mind. Going off to college is scary for the same reasons, getting married, having kids, changing careers... changing religions, finding religion... all of these aspects of life entail a major opening up of the soul. A tossing aside of the exterior armor that we try to build to protect ourselves and it leaves us exposed. Our inner self is open to the whole world.
In order to have new beginnings we have to retell our tales. Share our stories, and be willing to give a little more than we might want to give of our self and our time in order to build new connections. No it is not an easy task. And therefore a very very frightening experience.
With that all being said.. just because something is frightening and scary.. does not mean it is not impossible. People move all the time and are able to relocate. Many people make it seem easier than it actually is. There are so many elements that are involved from the packing to the double checking of what will be needed to start fresh. The saying good byes, the saying hellos... the getting lost in new territory just to find a grocery store. Lots of prayers are made during moves. It is so important to have a peace of mind to know that this is going to be ok. We are always so unsure of the unknown that it becomes easier to lose faith than it is to simply except that this is what God wants for us at this point in life and to let go and trust.
For those who are finding new starts in their life remember to have a bigger faith during this time. Destiny is destiny for a bigger purpose. We may not know why this is part of our life right now.. we may not realize that it is time for new friends and new face.. but we do not need to know the Reasons for this.. we just need to know that it will be alright. We are safe in God's hands.

Simple Appreciation

Over the last few weeks my mother in law has been taking the kids to school with her to hang out in the library and play on the soccer field with kids during recess. They love going, I wish they could go more often but once or twice a week is enough for the moment. In the US this would be a big no no, but she got special permission from the Director of the school and ever since it has been a special treat to go with Grandma to work. Now on these days I start of thinking woohoo a day to chill and do nothing. AHAHHHA that is not possible, there is always something that has to be done. A meal to make, one to clean up after, catch up around the house one thing here one thing there. Now don't get me wrong I do find time to go slow and sip my coffee on these days. I watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want and just enjoy the few hours of quiet.
Lately my husband has been using this time to sneak me out of the house for a coffee or a drive and it has been very nice. So today I was super tired, not having slept the night before and the weather was great and he said "Let's go out...where do you want to go??" My first thought was sounds great but man am I really tired, I just want to crochet and veg out. I remembered though that this is a rare opportunity to sneak out with him and decided to go. Now nothing came to mind... I asked him what there was to do in this town other than go to a coffee shop. He could come up with nothing other than wanting to go fishing. HAHAHAHAH if this is "our" time, that is not going to happen. I suggested we go look for things like books, clothes.. etc... not intense shopping just window shopping in a way. Something I rarely get to do let alone without kiddos. No that was not good in his mind.. no shopping today. So now what.. time is ticking, we only have a short window to go out and do something before I have to be back in time to cook dinner for the starving kids that have been gone half the day.
Earlier in the day I watched a program in French on fresh juice from all over the world.. orange juice from Brazil, Apple juice from France, Grape juice--not wine from Spain and France... Ginger Juice and Mango juice from Mali... OH Wow I was getting an itch for juice. An awesome thing I have found here is that you can get fresh squeezed juice, mixed juice .. avocado juice... anything for a fraction of the cost in the US. Like Jamba Juice but way better and cheaper. Since I have been here I have only gotten to take advantage of this a few times and that saddened me a bit. So healthy so cheap so fast food like.. but we rarely spend money on outside stuff. So that was my "pick" JUICE.. yeah sounds silly but I wanted it so bad.
We left and went walking on the cliffs over the beach, then on a drive decided to stop and get some treats... went to a French bakery and got some of the most expensive chocolate cake things I have ever eaten... now that is prices here.. but compared to back home it would have been the cost of a nasty cheap McDonald's Sundae... (can you see where this is going yuuummmmy) So we each picked one really good one, and one to split... Then we went and got some juices to go (mixed juice apple, mango, banana, and I think strawberry and possibly guava or papaya not sure>) I was so happy did not have to deal with smokers in a cafe and could come and enjoy my treats in peace. We were driving home when hubby did a detour and went to the beach front and pull right up on the side walk and we sat in the car and enjoy our goodies watching the sunset. Total cost in American conversion ... delish amazing pastries/chocolates $5, fresh squeezed fruit mixes $2 (for both of them), beautiful sunset with my love... priceless. An amazing spur of the moment date (short but perfect) for the price of a cheap dollar menu meal from a fast food restaurant. The afternoon could not have been better.
Take time to appreciate the simple things in life.

wiped out

Spring cleaning hit us way too early this year.. well at least that is how it feels. Coming here I thought I had escaped mold.. but no not possible. Being near the beach with a coastal breeze allows for more moisture to seep into the house than expected. Not all the rooms experience this.. for some reason I am just the lucky one. It grows wild on my walls, on my luggage, on my shoes... my clothes.. anything left sitting untouched for to long eventually gets some kind of mold growing. Most of the time I do not see it until it is too late, why is this... well it is because this mold is white and nasty. The stuff on the walls though crept up over a short time and is visible and explains that wierd not so coastal smell I have not been able to get rid of.
Add this to the constant dust in the air and the layer of nasty dust on the windows and you got an itch to clean that just cannot be gotten out until a full bottle of bleach has been dispersed. This feeling was not mine alone. Woke up this morning and mom in law decided to wash the windows in the living room... I figured cool I will hide and rest. No No NO not possible, my room was creeping under my skin. My tv recently broke so I finally convinced hubby to move it out. Yuck dust and mold hidden all over. So wipe that down and what do you find,... more dust more mold yuck yuck yuck.
I also had a couch in my room that was under the window, and not knowing how long before I came that it sat there.. I did the unthinkable and pulled it out. BAD mistake. GROSSness all over. Yes I am sharing this out loud as a reminder to all that yuckiness can grow in the most unlikely of places.. all those forgotten boxes of clothes in the closet, piles of "will get to that on my day off," sections of the house that are just put to the side until the moment comes that there is nothing to do but clean. Every corner of the house needs to be flipped and wiped and restored at least 2 times a year. Not just the areas that can be seen.
This being the case we had our own corners to tend to today...
So the living room was being soaked and wiped and washed and flipped and flopped... and in that process I suggested the simple comment of can I move the couch out of my room... this leads to a whirl wind of dust bunny chasing, mop water sloshing, sweeping, more flipping and flopping and one well worn out momma.
One of the cool features of Moroccan furniture is that the covers on the couches are flippable with different colors or patterns on the underneath, so every few months we flip all the covers and pillows and have a new look for no cost. On my couch I found another color that we forgot about, so not only do we have a black set, and orange set, a red set now found a cream color. So we went in hunt of all the matching pillows in the house and flipped all the couches and gave the living room a new fresh look.
The result of the day was a fresh living room, clean windows, happy mother in law. My room: got the TV out, couch out, swept and mopped all the floor (new found space way bigger), all electronics out (office for that, if they can stay there)... washed all the walls to get rid of the mold and dried them all as well to be safe and sound... and moved the bed to a new section of the room. Then brought in a desk.. I found a corner.. an unused new corner of the house...woohooo I HAVE MY SPACE.. mommy found a quiet corner. Put the desk in the corner, the laptop on the desk and the crochet bag underneath!!! Brought a new TV into the room that is on wheels, (Yes I was fine with no tv.. but somehow it is the only thing to keep us semi sane and everyone goes to their own space.. so it is an unavoidable must) and a storage box for the electronics that walked back in on their own.

My room is so fresh and clean now... I can sit and breath and watch the sunset over the ocean in peace, just a great feeling to find that one spot (all I need is a recliner and a bookshelf and I would be set wink wink) and as everyone who has walked in has declared.. wow the room is huge. Simplicity is a great feeling.

And Spring Cleaning no matter how exhausting and muscle wrenching and soul draining it may be.. the end result is worth every drop of sweat, grunts of dislike (from unhappy forced helpers), and tired body parts..
Having a well scrubbed house that is organized is like a kindergartner with new tennis shoes... You have just a wonderful extra bounce in your step.

Conquering Cursive

Over the past few weeks there has been an echo in the house... When are you going to teach the girls cursive... this has been repeated many times. My response has been a shaky not very confident "Soon honey soon..., definitely soon." But with that said.. how many times do you postpone something out of fear. Out of fear of having to face tears, out of fear of having to face a task that is daunting.
Why is this so daunting I wonder and have to dig deep to answer. I have found fond memories of learning to write in cursive. I loved getting good feedback from my teachers and praised for a job well done. Then boom like a shot of thunder in my head it all came pounding in.. I remember now why I don't like the idea of cursive. The times that I did not do well I remember crying because I could not please my teachers or my parents with that pristine princess style writing that I was expected to write. Over the years my handwriting has diminished to the point where I hate writing by hand, as most people stuck to a computer are also experiencing. I saw my siblings go through torture to learn to write and even with all the tears they shed and all the loud noises from my parents they still cannot write well.

Yes, writing is important, and yes legible writing is even more important. But because I don't spend so much time writing in my day to day life I find it hard to even think of how to start teaching the kids something so important as good cursive handwriting. I was very excited when my kids could type early on (secretly that meant that maybe I could avoid the whole cursive mess!). Boohoo for me no avoiding that now.
So after much internal debating and imaginary hair pulling I decided to try to teach the kids cursive. This is just one of those things that I have to bite back my words and ask God for the patience to face, an internal battle that really is all about not wanting to fight with the kids over something that many before them have struggled with.
I went to the local Marjane (walmart type shop in one stop giant store) and found some workbooks that seemed reasonable. Lots of tracing and spaces for practice. Here they do not start with print they start with cursive.. so if that had been the case this would have been a breeze. But no.. we started with print and even that was a backwards mess. I found two workbooks and they seem great, my only problem is I am not used to these foreign small squished lines for writing and given that no one wants to help me teach on this paper I have to figure it out myself. I miss the American giant first grade writing paper now...
I pulled out the books and set the girls down. They are not on the same grade level, but I have found that when it comes to starting new projects they seem to encourage and help each other... so I started with the idea that lets just take it slow and see how it goes. If it seemed too difficult then I would stop and take a break and let it be and get back to it when they were ready.
Day one... I was shaky and nervous and my butterflies were turning.. this for some reason was like facing a large audience trying to give a speech on a subject that was in your mind but not in your heart. I gave the kids the books, sharp pencils, giant erasers and started with.. now we are going to start something new and I want it to be fun. Think of it like a puzzle... (at least that is how I think of deciphering adult handwriting!!!) They were excited. Ok Kids we are going to start with tracing.. my youngest was over excited.. she loves tracing.. my oldest got tense and tight because she knew that meant real work was ahead.. she hates tracing because it leads to repetitive work soon to come. (They know me too well).
All this said and done the first day actually went really well. By day 2 my oldest was begging to put other work aside so she could do cursive, even during her free time she wanted to pick it up and work on it. So we took a detour and instead of just following the grid and tracing and going one letter a day, she asked me to show her what my writing looks like, what the letters look like together.. and boom we were writing words, deciphering letters on pages and then the lightbulb hit and she was off like a race horse out of the gate. She just started writing her normal school stuff in cursive. Not all of the letters were fully accurate, but the words were legible, and she showed me that she looked at the alphabet in the sample and then just connected the letters. I had a mommy moment of tearful joy. I wanted to shout out loud.. but I kept that in and just skipped to my own beat. She did it. I was so happy, no tears no pain. Fear conquered and the start of a new chapter laid down.....
My youngest on the other hand... she did her page of tracing and stormed off to play with a stick. When I sat with her and we talked she said she thinks tracing is for babies. As I tend to forget she is no longer 5 and is on the brink of moving past the big girl stage into the stage where they full of confidence but are so super fragile. So when approaching the next day with writing I eased her into the tracing and then let her start with the first letter.. and boom she was so excited she did the whole page, and was fairly accurate for a first timer. We both agreed that one page was enough for the day so that she can be excited to keep going for the next day.

My lesson out of all of this is remember a fear is just that a fear. It does not mean something is impossible, might be difficult, but not impossible. It means that something may be hard but if you keep practicing and pushing forward eventually you will get it figured out. We have to conquer our fears no matter how wierd, painful, shameful, or ackward they may be. Have faith and God will always guide you.

Carving out Quiet Time

Anyone who has children knows that mommy times is not only a precious gift.. it is nearly impossible to achieve all of the time. Some days we hit the sack and are so completely worn out that we are lucky to be able to remember to remove the bra and brush the teeth. Yeah I know seems weird but more than once I have woken up going oh man I slept in my bra once again. jeeez. For those out there that do sleep in a bra more power to you... my mama told me to never sleep in a bra.. did she have any scientific reason for this... NO.. was it to keep the ladies from falling to the floor or for health reasons.. NO... only because that is what she said and since the beginning of the tormented years of bindage I have always slept without one. So falling asleep in one is definitely done out of pure exhaustion. Now the whole forgetting to brush your teeth thing... thats a shame because well it just happens sometimes.
As my children have gotten older and less demanding the length of my alone time has grown. Not every day is it the same, and not every day do I do the same thing when I get that free time. But each moment I have alone is somewhat precious. Yes I love spending time with my family, and yes I love taking care of them and all their many unending wants and needs. But as the Domestic Engineer for the household it is only right that in order to keep my sanity in tact I have to carve out a few moments each day for reflection... thinking, zoning out, breathing... whatever I want to do moments.
Now when the kids were younger this was done in brief increments... nursing and typing one handed on the computer.. that was alone time in its own element... nap times were for laundry or picking up messes... and alone time was very very brief.
As the kids have aged and I see other mothers out there with young kids, reaching out for those few precious moments I am grateful that I survived the diaper days and can confidently say to my children... right now is mommy time and please do not ask mommy what she is doing during From experience I can say that as they get older and they get more occupied with their own activities then I will surely have more time for my crafting and reading and self nurturing. For now I am thankful to shower in peace, to rest after cleaning (albeit only a few minutes here and there.. but still rest) and to occasionally still get a hot cup of coffee without having to remicrowave it multiple times or discover yesterdays lost cup of coffee in the microwave for the umpteenth time.
Carve out that time wherever it can be carved because it is needed, it is not selfish, it is a must in order to get the thoughts together and to find balance within ones self and the outside demands of our daily lives.
(Now I know why my mom always had a paperback while we were at the park, she was not ignoring us.. she was having a carved out mommy moment!)

part II today

So to bring this blog to current... over the last year we packed up what we could fit in a handful of suitcases and got rid of everything else that we owned. By get rid of I mean nothing left whatsoever. Due to family issues we moved to Morocco for the moment. So the question with each pile I had to dig through was.. do I need this? Can I get it again? What am I really holding on to it for? Are the memories more important than the item. Then the questions were what will I need to survive that I cannot buy in the new home... what do I need to continue teaching. Yes we homeschool and anyone who has kids and schools at all will realize that 7 years worth of books and files and games and toys... a well built stock of current supplies and future possibilities is was an impossible task within itself. How do you get that down to a manageable size and not miss out on something important. Will I be getting rid of something that I will need and cannot replace?
God puts people in our lives for a reason... and He puts individual challenges in front of each of us. Keeping in mind that we will never be given anything we cannot handle has been a motivational tool for survival.
At first this daunting task seemed near impossible... and having to do it all alone with 2 kids begging to swim every other minute and get it all done within a month... I thought about all the people who have come before me on the trek of life. Any trek, any hardship and what would I do in their boat, whether it be fire, flood, theft... This onslaught of thinking really helped me to keep in mind the moment and to know that it is not IMPOSSIBLE... it is just an adjustment to be made.
Over time we build relationships with stuff... for pleasure, for memory, to take the place of a lost one or something that is missing in our life.. having lost things before, not having money to buy more in general, we hold on to all the junk that can be called our personal treasures. Breaking bonds with physical items that hold such emotional attachments can be a very hard road to go down, as well as one that takes a strong mind and a will of steel to just start over. Have faith that God will provide. What was once bought can be bought again...
Faith is what got me to where I am now. Knowing that there is a higher purpose a bigger reason for getting past this moment. Knowing that every part of life is a new adventure. This has been a tremendous opportunity for personal growth, cleansing of life and of allowing bonds to grow strong where need be and to frizzle out where need be. For me to find out where my priorities truly need to be and to know that yes it can be done.
I am so thankful for this challenge in my life. Yes it has not been easy, yes I have broken down and cried a time or two. But in the end... well it is not the end and the challenge just continues to add chapters as each new day comes. This is the life we walk...

Cleansing of life

Where does one start when one writes a daily mental blog yet never puts the words to the screen. This is like trying to catch up with an old friend you find on Facebook. Someone who has meant so much to you in the past but you lost contact with for some unknown reason.. because that is just how life is it takes you down twists and turns on the path of life. No matter how planned out our life seems, it never winds up the way we want. So you find this lost friend and you sit forever in front of the screen oohing and ahhing that wooohooo you found them.. now what.. are they even going to remember you. What do you say? How do you start? Those first initial emails are brutal and so raw on the emotions. All your old memories good and bad flood to the surface and you rewrite that intro email many times before you start with something as bland and blank as.. hey its me do you remember me I remember you yadda yadda....
So all this is to say having written in the past many times and saved my writings... for some reason the role of busy mom, has taken away from my actual courage of putting my thoughts to the screen. Thanks to the encouragement of my new international online community of friends and sisters I am ready to make that initial jump of faith and just write it how it is.
I could do a disclaimer, but I think life comes without disclaimers... I am a rambler, a forgetter, a mother, a teacher, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend... and this all encompasses that my brain will be alert at times and very far and distant at others.
I welcome all to come and help me rally the courage to write daily. As I have been told something is better than nothing.... you the reader can be the judge of that.